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Mum of 1

Has anyone’s else’s other half's mood dropped since you’ve gave birth?

I gave birth 11 weeks ago (planned pregnancy) and I’m loving every minute of it. Even the tantrums, the night feeds and constant pooping - it’s just part of my son's life and I love it.

My other half on the other hand... his moods are up and down to the point I’m getting whiplash from his moods. He works full-time, is out from 7am until 6pm but Facetimes me 80% of his shift so isn’t overly busy. He seems to be always sighing, shaking his head, tutting yet when I ask why he denies doing so even though I’m watching or hearing him doing it. He sometimes gets verbally frustrated with our son and I've told him many many times to knock it off. Now getting to the point I don’t like to leave him alone with my son.

When our son was a couple of weeks old he did admit he felt depressed (has had mental health issues in the past) and was waiting on a appointment with Talking Matters. I don’t believe he’s made the phone call as I keep telling him to ring back up and chase it up but he refuses.

What can I do? Has anyone else had experience with this situation? Sorry for a long post!

Hi, I'm so sorry you're having this experience, it sounds like you're doing a wonderful job as a mummy though.

I don't have experience of this with my husband but have had my own difficulties with depression and have done lots of reading.

It's becoming well recognised that postnatal depression can affect fathers too. Having a baby, planned or not, is a life changing event and it can take time to adjust to your new life. You've gone from a couple to a family of three where the attention is divided and most (and rightly so) goes on the baby.

Can you make time to speak to your partner once baby has gone to bed? Maybe ask if you can have a heart-to-heart earlier in the day so he doesn't feel ambushed. You can tell him what you've noticed and give him opportunity to talk. Maybe he doesn't want to 'burden' you if he's struggling or perhaps he's scared or embarrassed. There are lots of barriers to seeking help. As his partner, all you can do is offer a listening ear and work through the options with him. Could you offer to go to the appointment with him?

Make sure you look after you and baby though too.

Mum of 1