Tinto logo
Mum

I found out only recently that I am pregnant. It wasn't really an unplanned pregnancy, but I also wasn't expecting it to happen so quickly.

I have the ‘perfect’ conditions, I’m in my 30s, I have a great job, a lovely husband and we have a house with enough space. Having children was never my dream, but it is very much my husband's.

So I’m really second questioning if this is the right choice for me. I also have a circle of friends who all don't want children, so the source of my worry is that I won’t belong anymore. It will automatically change the relationship with my friends.

I'm finding it hard to determine if I do what I want, or if I’m either pleasing my friends or my husband. If you have any thoughts or good literature on this, I would appreciate it.

Hi, I’m hearing this theme of not knowing if one wants children coming up more and more these days. It’s a big decision and often one that can change the role of a woman in society due to patriarchal ideas etc., but that’s not always the case.

From you, I’m hearing a bit of anxiety about whether this pregnancy is what you want, is it simply pleasing your husband, and how this will affect your relationship with your friends.

It’s a big decision and finding that right answer can be challenging. One book that has been recommended for situations like this is 'Motherhood - is it for me?' by Davidman and Carlini. I haven’t read it myself so I can’t give a personal recommendation.

Seeing as you are already pregnant I’m not sure this book is the best for you unless you still have the option of terminating your pregnancy.

Regardless, I’m guessing there are some concerns to sort out about what you want for your future. If you ever need to talk these things out I’m here.

Jodi, Tinto Expert