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Mum

I'm a first-time mom and just gave birth by emergency C-section. I'm lucky that I'm staying with my mother-in-law who's very good with babies. She is willing to help when I get too tired. The thing is I still feel very overwhelmed and feeling I'm doing everything wrong. She never judges me or tells me what to do unless I ask her but I don't even know if I'm right or wrong sometimes. My son never cries a bit in my in-laws hands. But when it comes to me and my husband, he just cries so much and I don't know why. We have been trying our best but I just feel like I'm not good at being a mother at all.

What should I do to become better at nursing a newborn? If I have to ask my mother-in-law for tips, how should I ask her? It has been so difficult but my son is only a few days old.

Congratulations on your new baby! I'm sorry that the birth was difficult. I understand how you feel because mine was very traumatic too. My little one is now two months old and I'm also a first time mother.

Try to be as kind to yourself as possible. You just had major surgery and no one is expecting you to do everything. Please try to rest and heal as much as possible.

Don't do what I did. I was pretty much alone with my baby, my partner had to go back to work and no other family was able to help because of Covid. I ended up doing too much too soon, which led to problems in my healing and I got an infection. I only stopped antibiotics last week.

It's amazing that you have your parents-in-law there to help. Accept all help. If they can cook and clean so that you can just be with your little one then that is great.

Try doing as much skin to skin as possible. Take your shirt of and let your baby fall asleep in your arms. Your baby still remembers what it was like to be in the womb so being held by you is the best thing. This will also help with breastfeeding. If you don't want to breastfeed then that's OK too! In that case let someone else feed the baby with the bottle sometimes so that you can sleep.

Hope this is helpful to you. Feel free to write to me if you want to.

Mum
Mum of 1

Congratulations! What did you call him?

Right, listen to me, yeah? Having a baby is the most bizzare and exhausting experience. You had an emergency section DAYS ago and your hormones will be going mental. You are doing an AMAZING job, sweets, even if it doesn't feel like it!

Absolutely ask your mother-in-law. Just say 'hey, do you know a good way to do this' or 'how did you cope with this when you had your first baby?' There are no stupid questions with babies, and if you don't feel comfortable asking her you can always pop onto here and ask us.

As for him crying, have you tried swaddling him? Babies like to be rocked around because it reminds them of being in the womb. Give him lots of cuddles and hand him off to your mum-in-law whenever you're feeling overwhelmed. Take the help, you aren't failing by not doing everything yourself. You just had major surgery and need to give your body a chance to heal.

I know exactly how overwhelming it all is, but it will get easier! Everything is completely new for him too! One thing I noticed after a few months with my daughter is that babies feed off your emotions. Whenever I'd get in a state (because she's crying and wouldn't sleep, etc) she wouldn't calm down until I'd calmed down. Give the baby to someone else and take a breather. Go stand outside for a minute and take deep breaths or have a cuppa. I used to beat myself up for walking away from my daughter in those situations, especially since I'm a single mama and I'd leave her in her Moses basket crying for five minutes while I took five minutes. But looking back, (she's almost 10 months now) taking those five minutes worked wonders for us both.

Message me anytime, ok? I'm here for you!

Firstly congratulations on the birth of your son.

Your son is probably picking up on your anxiety. I don't let my family do enough so that has a knock effect too. I suffer with anxiety so I was the same with my first son. He would settle with everyone else but me and it only made the anxiety worse.

Let your mother-in-law take over while you rest. Having a C-section takes time to heal and overcome.

Just ask your mother-in-law for tips, I'm sure she is more than happy to answer your questions. Things will be overwhelming at just a few days postnatal.

You are not alone I felt the exact same with my first and have just recently had my second 3 weeks ago and feel the exact same as there is a seven year age gap!

Mum