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What to say to a friend going through baby loss

It’s always difficult to know what to say when someone tells you they’ve lost an embryo, foetus or baby. But the most important thing is to let them know that you’re here for them.

1. Instead of ‘at least you can get pregnant’, try ‘I’m so sorry you’re going through this.'

Keep your words neutral until your friend has told you how they’re feeling. Don’t make assumptions, and don’t suggest how they should be feeling about their experience.

2. Instead of ‘at least it happened early’, try ‘I can’t imagine what you’re going through. But I’m here.’

When you’re trying to cheer someone up, it’s easy to grapple for silver linings. But don’t worry, that’s not your job. Your job is to listen. That’s it.

3. Instead of ‘you can try again soon’, try I’ll stay for as long as you need me to.’

Remember, a baby miscarried was a baby carried. A baby stillborn was still born. One child cannot be replaced by another. Just focus on being supportive in the here and now.